Tesh on Facebook...and more!

"New August show just announced! John’s in concert in Portland, OR on August 20th & 21st (new!), in Spokane on August 22nd. Great seats and VIP packages still available. VIP packages include ticket to show, a complimentary copy of John’s best-selling book, Intelligence For Your Life, and a meet & greet with John! Hope to see you out on the road! -Team Tesh"

Who's In?

...& the nerd reference:

"Some of you have seen this, but because of the new movie I am still getting hundreds of emails....so here you go. Me, on Star Trek Next Generation." - John Tesh

Tesh Music:

Where do YOU fall?

The Geek Hierarchy

I feel this is unfairly biased towards sci-fi fans, but if I use a little imagination, I probably would find myself in the fifth level deep: Erotic Fanfic Writers.

I mean, I don't, but I would.

Becca invites me to dinner w/ her and Matt

YouTube recommended this to me today

Health News

"Sex before bedtime is one of the best ways to guarantee a good night's sleep"

For the men of the blog...

Edit: dammit, I love when Paul edits my posts!

Edit the second: DAMMIT PAUL.

http://www.giadascleavage.com/

Questions for "Nurse Appall Demon"

Here at Spokanicity we strive to improve our lives. As such, we have invited a "guest columnist, Nurse Appall Demon," (pictured) to respond to the many health related emails we have received since Spokanicity was started.

Dear Nurse Demon: I recently knocked up my gf and since I make her tell me when she's on her period, I noticed that she hasn't had a period since she got pregnant so is the baby drinking my gf's period blood? -- I'm Bloody Concerned

Dear I'm Bloody Concerned: Yes, your baby is in fact drinking the period blood. That is how the baby grows to be big and why your "gf" shouldn't be having a period. It also serves as a way to tell parents that they are pregnant. If you do notice any flows, be careful because

Dear Nurse Demon: I'm stressed lately, what do I do? I've tried everything: Massage, sex, pot, guitar hero, listening to Toto...they all don't work! -- Ray from Deer Park

Dear Ray from Deer Park: Simple. Drink!

Note: The unedited versions of the following questions can be seen and attributed here

Dear Nurse Demon: Help! My girlfriend is a pregnant virgin! Me and my girlfriend have been in a relationship for like almost a year. We even got chastity rings and belts with codes! So one day my girl comes up to me and points at her belly saying I'm pregnent. I look at it and realize SHE IS!!!!!!!!! OMG BEHBEHS :-( The only problem is we got our chastity belts on. She sez shes still a virgin and the only people that know our belt codes are our parents!!!!!! What could be happening? -- Seriously help

Dear Seriously Help: You have an immaculate conception on your hand. This only happens to 0.19% of all pregnancies thanks to Our Lord and Savior. I suggest you go to your nearest white protestant evangelical church and make sure Jesus is your BFF to help you through this because your baby is the next coming. Alleluia!

Dear Nurse: I was playing a simple game of beer pong with the ball bounced up and got stuck in my vajeyjey! I dont want to go to the er cause I dont got insurance. Can you ask a doctor what do I do? - Ping Pong

Dear Ping Pong: Do you have a vacuum with a hose? The doctor said think that's the only way to do it. So unless you have a vacuum or you can go to an emergency department that will treat you without insurance, you'll have to just wait until you have a bowel movement.

Dear Nurse Apall: Okay, I know this is really gross, but sometimes when I sit on my toilet in my igloo, it looks like steam's comin' out of my vagina. Am I going to die or do I have some crazy disease? I've been searching the internet and can't find anything! Can you explain this to me? - Steamed

Dear Steamed: I hate to be the one to tell you this but you have a fatal condition known as gastritis. I have a feeling you consume a lot of dairy products. Unfortunately, if you have a true allergy (not just sensitivity) to dairy, it melts through your insides painlessly and comes out of your vagina or penis as steam. You see, this is due to the chemicals in milk reacting with your antibodies leading to a production of chlorine gas. As the chlorine gas gets released from your body, you're going to inevitably inhale it. And as we know, chlorine gas is toxic. Since you probably haven't stopped consuming dairy up till now, I would say that the buildup of chlorine gas is going to kill you and everyone you know in a couple days.

Dear Nurse Demon: I caught my son having sex with another guy. I think he might be gay. Is there a definitive way I can tell? This could be a phase. Is there some way I could be totally positive? He's only 29. -- Afraid of Rainbows

Dear Rainbows: There is a test out there on the market. This test was originally a home pregnancy test that had 20% false negatives. It was rebranded in South East Asia as coffee stirrers but it was recently discovered that they test for homosexuality with 99.9% accuracy. It's $19.95 if you act now. Hurry because supplies are limited.

Dear Nurse Demon: If a hen swallows a condom full of semen infected with HIV and if someone eats their meat, can you get AIDS? -- Colonel Popeye

Dear Colonel: First off, I would like to thank you for your service to your country. It's always good to thank a veteran. Second, as long as you marinade the chicken in beer and cook it over a grill, then eat it with plenty of alcohol, it will kill the HIV. You'll probably have to go through a whole six pack yourself to prepare and eat it, but I think you'll be fine.

Dear Nurse Demon: If I don't have sex, will my vagina eventually heal up and close? -- Fratty

Dear Fratty: Yes it will, unless you drink plenty of alcohol and have lots of sex. The alcohol irrigates the wound while sex prevents the wound from closing in on itself. Sorry, masturbation is only good for men. For women it helps potentiate healing up of vagina.

Dear Nurse Apall: Is there anyway to get the most popular guy in school to make me pregnant? IM 14 & I THINK im ready 4 a child & I hav the right guy to get me pregnant but he doesnt want to have 1 so is there anyway I can poke holes in his condoms with a needle without him knowing what I did? So you know, I have and job... and I dont want to be a old mother thats why I wanna have one b4 16 and the guy is 17 & hes the coolest richest guy in school and he has a car. What if I buy him condoms and poke holes in them and have him use them? -- Helen of Troy

Dear Troy: You could also convince him that he doesn't need a condom by telling him that if you have sex standing up you can't get pregnant or that you're on the pill.

Disclaimer: Spokanicity is designed for comedy purposes only and is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice or for the care that patients receive from their licensed independent practitioners.

NO BITCHING

Also, I changed our template because I was tired of not being able to see wide images. MAKE IT BETTER IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT.

Google Ads: in my brain

While emo songs, hairstyles, and fashions may not be your first choice for your teen, understanding this culture will help you get through this phase of his life.

The Real Reason Tooley's in the East:

Hermione Granger

Cut of Critical Defense Project?

Obama Axes Pentagon Plan To Build Billion Dollar Tank In Shape Of Dragon

Say What!

Create avatar

Lemon Party

This Lemon Party Thing Sounds Like It Might Be Fun

Palin '09

Generic Photos

Spokanicity was originally created as a means of a group of us to chat at work. We came together so we could have an outlet from the bullshit we encountered daily in our professional lives. Since then the blog has changed towards including interesting facts, photoshoped photos of Steve, or random shit that really just lowers our IQ. But I say we need to take a moment to reflect on where we came from. That being bitching about our job. Well loyal readers, here's some crap I've been dealing with I'd like to share with you in this segment I will call Stupid People.


One of the things I do at my job is take leads which come in, and requests for clients from salesmen, and do research on those companies. When Joe-Bob's Toupee, LLC contacts us, we research their website to get valid contact info, make sure they look like a legitimate company, classify them into one of severl hundred categories, then finally pass them to a salesman to make a sale. In the process of looking at over a hundred webpages daily, I've seen awesome websites, and really shitty ones. Today however, I hit a wall and needed to stop and vent. Take this company. Why do they have a photo of a scientist holding a vial of Windex? Their slogan is "We help resolve your technical challenges." I did not realize Windex was complex. But (in Krayden's defense), they do apparently specialize in chemicals and solvents... Apparently... But whatever he is doing leads to this. This is the reason for today's rant. I hate generic photos. Do generic photos companies buy from websites really help? I know that if I were a consumer and stumbled upon this website I would be excited that a scientist would be looking intently at a vial of Windex, and through this deep thought he would find the key to success, and I (the customer) would be so excited I'd do business with this company. In reality it pisses me off. I know that actor is not a scientist and probably is thinking to himself while staring at the vial "hmm, what shall I have for lunch when they are done taking my photo. Do you think I can keep this coat? I wonder if this is Windex? Why am I holding this again? Shit, do I look serious enough? Oh, shot's done, let's go get drunk." I know that's what I would be thinking.

Let's take this from a practical point. Here is a letter I am sure Krayden received:

Dear Krayden,

I stumbled upon your website and could not help noticing that your motto is you can helpo resolve technical challenges. Well I hope you can help with my challenge. You see, I have 3 rocks which I need to stack, but I will be damned if I cannot get those little bastards stacked. They keep stipping off. Any assistance would be wonderful.

Sincerely,

Unstackable.


Dear Unstackable,

We are awesome, we stacked your rocks. See attached photo.

Sincerely,

Krayden.


Generic photos are a load of crap. They rarely make a half-assed company look nice, and usually just end up making the website appear like a scam. BUT beware, I've seen the exact opposite. Here are a few examples of companies that decided they had better photos of their own office than a stock photo.... Ugh...

Example the first: The first time I saw this I embarrassingly lol'd at work. That poor woman. I want to go into the office and give her a phonebook to sit on, or at the least send her a postcard because she looks like someone at a retirement home who has lost her mind.

Example the second: This page you may have to refresh until the picture in the top right corner (under the company name) shows "Tom Mueller - Owner". HAHAHA! I cannot stop laughing whenever I see this photo. When I saw this page I was crying I was laughing so hard. It looks like he crapped his pants and smelled it the moment before the photo was taken. I could not work for about 15 minutes because every time I got it under control I saw his face and burst into tears again.

Example the third: Unfortunately this looks like a generic photo which makes me wonder why they paid for it, and secondly why it is something you'd put on your website?

Example the forth: Alright, again this is a stock photo, but this is more a complaint about wrong photo for the situation. In the banner check out the second photo on the left. "Mr. John - the complete source for temporary restrooms.......at your wedding on the beach." COME ON!

Hurtin'

Many, many years ago-centuries ago, in fact-there lived a people with oak colored skin and almond eyes, herders on horseback and camel who followed sheep and goats and yak across ancient grasslands at the top of the world. Theirs was a land of bitter extremes, wind-swept steppes bounded by jagged peaks, long winters cold beyond imagining that melted into short green grassy summers when the herds multiplied and there was milk and meat in abundance.

- yurtinfo.org

Rudy!

Today I went to a meeting hosted by the CEO and he mentioned that 2 years ago Rudy Rudiger came to their office to give the employees a speech. I then thought of Steve talking about how that's all he's done with his life, followed by most of the men at 428 chanting "Rudy! Rudy! Rudy!" over and over again. Rudy Rudiger, if you are reading this blog, know this: you are the Person the World Needs Most.

Tooley's REAL dad

Happy father's Day

Becca and Rachel Play Lexulous

www.facebook.com/tooleyislame

I think it has a certain ring to it. What would your facebook username be?

just a normal day at work

Becca says:
I already ate my muffin and my cucumber

Steve Crusiers

http://failblog.org/2009/05/05/footwear-fail/

Rachel Wants to be an Ape

Estimates of the amount of identical genetic material (DNA) in chimpanzees and humans range from 94.6% to 99.4%. This marked similarity, and additional evidence, have led primatologists to suggest that the taxonomy of the apes should include three groups: hylobatidae (gibbons and siamangs); pongidae (orangutangs); and hominidae (gorillas, chimpanzees, and humans). Apes are classified in the phylum Chordata, subphylum Vertebrata, class Mammalia, order Primates.

Dammit! My Name Is Jonas

http://pitchfork.com/news/35330-weezer-to-tour-with-blink-182/

Critical Logic, what the hell were you thinking?

Deepest, Bluest, my hat is like a shark's fin

(11:39:25 PM) tundratooley: will there ever be a boy born who can swim faster than a shark?
(11:39:44 PM) Crave42: yes
(11:40:03 PM) tundratooley: good to know
(11:40:22 PM) tundratooley: that's a load off my chest
(11:40:40 PM) Crave42: you are that boy
(11:41:08 PM) tundratooley: I can only hope
(11:41:59 PM) tundratooley: deepest, bluest, my hat is like a shark's fin
(11:43:12 PM) Crave42: ladies love cool tooley
(11:43:48 PM) tundratooley: I should become a rapper
(11:44:14 PM) tundratooley: making deep parallels about my life and that of aquatic animals
(11:45:26 PM) Crave42: mainly the headgear that you wear and its resemblance to a dorsal appendage
(11:46:43 PM) Crave42: i wish ll cool j was wearing that during the video, then the song would have a whole new meaning

I Just Bought an iPod

What would your essential playlist include?

Tooley ≠ Hobo

Congratulations to Tooley, Globalspec's New Sales Development Technologist. He is no longer a hobo.

I can haz job

I am FINALLY employed! HOO-RAY! I am now a Sales Development Technologist at GlobalSpec, which has also been ranked one of the top companies to work for in the Albany area for the past 2 years or so.

Lion vs. Buffalo vs. Croc

Announcement

I'm actually....

starting.......

....to really like Modest Mouse.

Matt and Becca...

...you're having a nacho cheese fountain at the reception, right?

List time

Rachel's list of...

People that are cooler than me


1. People who brew beer. Come on, who wouldn't want to work in the beer industry? Or the wine industry, for that matter. I'm sure there's a lot of hard chemistry and stuff, but I could learn that. I'm not sure how hard the recession is hitting the industry - I'm imagining that it's not affected, because everyone needs to drink in a recession.
1a. Homebrewers are even cooler, but I couldn't find a good enough picture representing them.


2. Bono. Duh, dude's a millionaire, and gets to bang whomever he wants (like Oprah, see above), and still helps the world and shiz. He's cooler than anyone I know.



3. Kitesurfers. I met some of these dudes in Puerto Rico and so maybe I'm romanticizing it, because they quit their jobs in a cold place and moved to paradise to do a cool and unique sport. But another cool thing about kitesurfing: unlike regular surfing, if there's a shark trying to bite you, maybe you can just jump out of the water and let your kite carry you to safety. Maybe.



4. Jillian Michaels. She's a hot bitch. I mean, I know this is the wrong blog to talk about all my health and fitness bullshit, but she used to weigh more than I do (and she's shorter), and look how cut she is! And she has a job being the trainer on Biggest Loser, which I'm sure is kind of awesome.



5. Seth Rogan. And any dude who is able to have a real bromance and be really funny (so, all the male writers on this blog). Because I want to know what that's like, and stuff.

Post idea: Make a list of your own!

Every so often I need to groove to this song

Grundle

Grundle - The prime piece of real estate located conveniently between Scrotumburg and
Anusville.

-urbandictionary.com


[17:27] tundratooley: you are a grundle felcher
[17:28] tundratooley: I don't know how it works, but you do it
[17:28] Crave42: st. McGrundlestumper
[17:28] tundratooley: I'm madly in mcgrundlestumper with you
[17:29] Crave42: grundel of sorrow
[17:29] tundratooley: Seek and Grundle
[17:30] Crave42: jump in the grundle
[17:30] tundratooley: Welcome Home (Grundletarium)
[17:30] Crave42: ride the grundle
[17:30] tundratooley: Grundle Inc.
[17:31] tundratooley: Hit the Grundle
[17:31] Crave42: creeping grundle
[17:32] tundratooley: For Whom the Grundle Tolls
[17:32] Crave42: ...and grundle for all
[17:32] tundratooley: To Live is to Grundle
[17:32] Crave42: grundle's eve
[17:33] tundratooley: Phantom Grundle
[17:33] Crave42: grundle remorse
[17:33] tundratooley: Trapped Under Grundle
[17:33] Crave42: Grundled
[17:34] tundratooley: what is that supposed to be?
[17:34] Crave42: blackened
[17:34] tundratooley: ok
[17:34] tundratooley: Fight Grundle with Grundle
[17:34] Crave42: the call of grundle
[17:35] tundratooley: The Grundle III
[17:35] tundratooley: preceeded by The Grundle II and The Grundle
[17:35] tundratooley: Grundle My Bitch
[17:36] Crave42: king grundle
[17:37] tundratooley: Enter Grundleman
[17:39] Crave42: disposable grundles
[17:40] tundratooley: Grundle and Re-Grundle
[17:40] Crave42: the grundle that should not be
[17:40] tundratooley: Mama Grundle
[17:41] Crave42: eye of the grundle
[17:41] tundratooley: Grunnnndle
[17:42] tundratooley: (pun of Fixxxer)
[17:43] Crave42: all grundle long
[17:44] tundratooley: The Ungrundled Feeling
[17:45] tundratooley: They just said "Nothing Else Matters" in House
[17:45] tundratooley: they are on our wavelength right now
[17:45] tundratooley: Nothing Else Grundles
[17:45] Crave42: nothing else grundles

Someone Employ Tooley.... Please

Create animated gif

In Honor of Matt & Becca

Join or Die

I saw this linked on a forum and knew you guys had to see it. I couldn't stop laughing at the Lincoln or Buchanan portraits.

Oh, just in case, link is not safe for work unless your workplace is fine with portraits depicting the artist having sex with various United States presidents. The Internet is a wild, frightening place.

<3s

This picture is about the conquest for all Yurts in the Northwest.

Movie about Yurts

This movie is about the conquest for all Yurts in Mongolia

Metallica

So I hear that Metallica is having a concert in Albany in November.
I can't prove this by their website, but the radio can't be wrong, right? I know one guy who would love to be in attendance.
Plus, the east coast is beautiful in the fall. Anyone feeling like they might need a little New England color and hard rock?

Tall Love

+

=

tall dink love

Does Matt secretly play basketball for Siena?

I think he does. Ryan Rossiter, we know who you are.

Twins

really?

I wondered what they were doing in that RV...

I was searching for some info about the grade % of the hill on Riverside going down to People's Park, and stumbled across something called the Naked Wiki. Apparently it's a heads-up about where you can go nude or find nude people.

People's Park

Sections of beach along Hangman's Creek, at it's convergence with the Spokane River, have a long history of clothing optional use. In recent years nude use has moved eastward, further up Hangman's Creek, where vegetation and shoreline provide greater privacy. Periodic checks by law enforcement, mostly to enforce county alcohol ordinances, are a possibility. People's Park is a county facility, with limited ammentities and no bathrooms. The park itself is fairly isolated for being so close to the downtown area; it is bordered on the south & west by Riverside Drive, on the east by the Spokane River and on the north by a bluff, atop which sits a cemetary. Usage on a typically warm summer weekend day would be 10-20 nude or partially nude users.

HAPPY GUINNESS DAY!

(Matt and Becca, are you SURE you don't want a doggie?)

Anticipation

I really want summer to come, so I'm listening to some of my fav. classics.



Possibly NSFW?

Taco taco taco

A follow up to this post:

An actual making of the Taco Town taco.

Nannerpuss!

Yer gun racks got gun racks!

Law & Order: Seal Violence Unit

"I'm not what you call a winner... sure I'm a lawyer but that's only because I took the bar exam in Alaska and they only have like four laws and most of them are when you can and cannot kill... seals."

from urbandictionary

LOL Theory

The theory that the internet phrase lol, meaning "laugh out loud", can be placed at any part in any sentence and make said sentence lose all credibilty and seriousness.

ex 1
Doc: We need to operate on your colon lol, you have cancer.

ex 2
Jesus: Take this all of you and eat it, it is my body, lol.

ex 3
Me: Will you marry me? Lol.

Grandma's Dead: Breaking Bad News with Baby Animals

Browse inside the book here or send some e-cards here.

Mostly for Matt

Squirrel Threesome

Rachel (8:46:56 PM): omg
Rachel (8:47:09 PM): you and matt should watch this right after the monkey peeing in its mouth
Rachel (8:47:12 PM): SQUIRREL THREESOME: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=37Rbi8symcc&feature=channel
Becca (8:48:47 PM): I'm... so confused!
Becca (8:48:55 PM): Which ones are the dudes?
Becca (8:49:01 PM): Are they all dudes?
Rachel (8:49:03 PM): that's how it always is
Rachel (8:49:05 PM): *sigh*
Becca (8:49:12 PM): Truth
Becca (8:49:23 PM): It's like a squirrel version of 428 spooning parties

Noncomformist Conformist

Becca (right) & Rachel (left) are going to dress up like this this upcoming weekend. The rest of us better suit up too!

Interesting...

from Facebook:

"Paul Anthony Freeman just kicked you in the groin! Kick back! 51 minutes ago"

YURT news & GOB

No Parking for Yurts

Will Arnett on Conan

best 75 minutes of cycling ever

Playlist for last night's spin class:

1. Nothin' But A Good Time - Poison
2. Cherry Pie - Warrant
3. Kiss Me Deadly - Lita Ford
4. Nobody's Fool - Cinderella
5. Once Bitten, Twice Shy - Great White
6. Rock You Like A Hurricane - Scorpions
7. Poison - Alice Cooper
8. I Hate Myself For Loving You - Joan Jett
9. Don't Treat Me Bad - Firehouse
10. Edge Of A Broken Heart - Vixen
11. Cum On Feel The Noize - Quiet Riot
12. The Final Countdown - Europe

You all should've been there. It was freaking amazing.

Pits

I often mix up the definitions of concave and convex, much like I mix up right and left, protons and neutrons, stamens and pistils..... I are not good at science.

But Becca has given me a handy visual image that I think will stick with me and help me remember!


Becca says (11:40 AM):
My underarms are very concave


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Axilla

self-pwn

Goddammit, every time my car fogs up, a penis appears on my back passenger side window. Then I always forget it's there by the time I get home. One of these days my mom's gonna sit back there! And I know it's one of you a-holes that drew it.

Conservatism is Dead

Right here.

This is an article from the New Republic that I thought was a very good background history of conservatism as a political philosophy and an analysis of how the movement has been slowly crippling itself with movement conservatism. The Republican party is made up of a fair number of disparate groups that are currently splintering because the party lacks any compelling charismatic figure (HIS HOLINESS RONALD REAGAN!) to hold them together.

The party isn't dead by a long shot, but the intellectual roots of the conservative movement are ailing and have been for quite some time.

Warning: Pretty long read, but it's worth it, I swear.

HEY PAUL! YOU DA MAN!

I couldn't believe what I saw when I glimsped at the front page of the Oregonian today. The headline, "HEY PAUL!"
And now, some Genesis

Separation Anxiety

I don't know if anyone else has been in the position I was in on Tuesday. If you have, I tip my hat you. If you have not there is still a one in three chance that your ticking timebomb some call an "appendix" will one day too decide its time in your body is over and it wants to move on. To those lucky one third I dedicate this story.



Chapter 1: Appendix

It all started on Tuesday morning. I woke up with pains in my sides, which comparably felt on par with having cramps after heavy exercise. You know that feeling when you're out of breath because you've just gotten up from the couch, gone to the fridge to get another beer, then go back and sit down? Yeah, that kind of physical exhaustion. I went to an interview and charmed the pants off the marketing lady interviewing me (never had a pantsless interview before, but it was better than I thought). After the interview I was in more pain, but I decided that feasting on a buffalo chicken sub would clearly assist in my constipated feeling. Later that evening the pain persisted more strongly on my right side, my appetite diminished, and around midnight I decided my pain was rising faster than it should. I did not want to go to the hospital since I am uninsured, and had been since I quit working at Critical Logic, so heading to the hospital (or what now would be the ER at 1am would be quite costly) was not high on my list of immediate desires. We spent about an hour calling Devon and my parents until we realized that by some tiny tiny loophole I am still qualified for insurance through COBRA, and that I could potentially be insured before going into the ER. Word of the wise to anyone who has relative in latter timezones, it is AWESOME. While now in Troy it is 2am Wednesday in Alaska it is 10pm Tuesday, so while I was on my way to the ER my parents were on their way to the post office to timestamp my insurace renewal forms the day prior. Will this work.....? Who knows, but it's worth a shot.



Chapter 2: Hospital

We arrive at the ER and meet my nurse, who while very nice and funny, is quite incompetent. She left me in a room for about half an hour in pain, then came back in and pressed on my left side and asked if I was feeling pain on my right. I said I was to which she looked confused about. I told her that my right side DID hurt and that she was pressing on my left. After a moment of confusion, followed by a moment of embarassment the nurse went back to work pressing on my sore side and this time getting the desired expression of grimmace from my face. The next few hours went like this: Someone comes in and asks me the same 6 questions as the person before them then leaves for 45 minutes. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. I think my favorite time was about 4:30 when I could not sit because I was sore, I was tired, and was in the most pain I had felt all day long...and then there were drugs. Sweet, sweet, painkilling drugs. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.................................................



Chapter 3: Appendectomy

I don't remember it, by this point I was on more drugs.



Chapter 4: Recovery

I woke up with a tan-gone-bad on my stomach, 3 holes, and apparently a body part missing. I was still sore, crazy tired, not wearing pants, but on the plus side I have the best bed in the best room on the whole floor. Corner room facing downtown Albany. The downside was my angry room mate who was growling at nurses and other staff all day/night long, and at 3am shit his bed. Literally shit his bed. Moral of this story: don't be angry or you will soil your pants. I spent a total of about 24 hours in that room in recovery eating food, watching shitty tv, listening to my room mate, and sleeping. It was enjoyable, but still being really sore was definitely a pain in the ass. I think that at least 3 dozen times I imagined Paul doing all the work that I was witnessing and I must say I'm impressed. I don't think I would have the patience to help the angry, crying, unhelpful, messy, old, etc. variety of patients that I saw with as much grace and compassion that I witnessed. Eventually though my doctor finally came and visited me (at 6am the next day) and said I was free to go. I was discharged at 11. Must give them credit for their swiftness...



Chapter 5: Aftermath


What can I say? I loves me my fruit flowers. Thanks Paul. Also thanks for everyone else that was concerned about my health.

Obamagasm

YES WE CAN...USE PROTECTION!

Want to give birth to your kidney?

Now it's...easier (?)...than ever!

Or if you're male,

doctors would insert the bag into the rectum, pass it through an incision into the abdominal cavity, use laparoscopic instruments to put the kidney into the bag and seal it, and then pull it out through the anus via the string. Then they'd open the bag and transplant the kidney into the recipient.

It's not without it's detractors however as Becca, a Spokanicity member, commented, "Good god! Pooing a kidney? That can't be fun."

The Anthology

I'm not joking when I say I want to put together an anthology of stories retelling my/our funniest and weirdest college experiences. I'm starting a list which you guys can edit and add to. Put your intials next to your entries. Or comment, whatever.

- The 428 Shit Party (RW)
- The time Liz, Becca, and I led a gang into C/M after we drank too much Mike's (purchased by Swift) during the Miss America pageant (RW)
- Seeing embarrassing hookups at the COG the morning after a party night. Or being with friends when they see their embarrassing hookups, and laughing. (RW)
- Naked snow woman (RW)
- Living with Old Man Tom (with Becca) (RW)
- The Case of Tooley and The Hopkins Chimney (PF)
- Forecast: Golden Showers (PF)
- George, Washington (PF)
- Paul's Graduation Party (Uncensored) (PF)
- Kent versus Christian (PF)
- Spokanicity v. VD (PF)
- Thanksgiving Junior Year (PF)
- Por qué, Pepé Lopez? ¡¿POR QUÉ!? (PF)
- YURT (PF)
- The Jill and Cory secret affair. (RJ)
- Scotty doesn't know. (RJ)
- Afternoon Delight (being played at Steve and Erin, and the 428 chorus singing it while artfully arranged along the stairs). (RJ)
- The "rape" of Molly? (RJ)
- Tooley getting his lost cellphone back from a bum in exchange for beer. (RJ)
- Can we write about Swift getting picked up for drunkenly riding a bicycle even if it didn't happen to us? (RJ)
- Hat, Mickey Mouse Gloves, & St. Patrick's Day (ST)
- Pants-less Halloween with Special Appearance by Fr. Krall (RJ)
- Miss Spokane Pageant (vodka cakes, hair-dying, and "Danny Boy" singing at the after party) (RJ)

RIP, Tooley's Appendix

Tooley had an emergency Appendectomy this morning.