Thursday, February 26, 2009

Squirrel Threesome

Rachel (8:46:56 PM): omg
Rachel (8:47:09 PM): you and matt should watch this right after the monkey peeing in its mouth
Rachel (8:47:12 PM): SQUIRREL THREESOME:
Becca (8:48:47 PM): I'm... so confused!
Becca (8:48:55 PM): Which ones are the dudes?
Becca (8:49:01 PM): Are they all dudes?
Rachel (8:49:03 PM): that's how it always is
Rachel (8:49:05 PM): *sigh*
Becca (8:49:12 PM): Truth
Becca (8:49:23 PM): It's like a squirrel version of 428 spooning parties

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Noncomformist Conformist

Becca (right) & Rachel (left) are going to dress up like this this upcoming weekend. The rest of us better suit up too!

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Thursday, February 19, 2009

best 75 minutes of cycling ever

Playlist for last night's spin class:

1. Nothin' But A Good Time - Poison
2. Cherry Pie - Warrant
3. Kiss Me Deadly - Lita Ford
4. Nobody's Fool - Cinderella
5. Once Bitten, Twice Shy - Great White
6. Rock You Like A Hurricane - Scorpions
7. Poison - Alice Cooper
8. I Hate Myself For Loving You - Joan Jett
9. Don't Treat Me Bad - Firehouse
10. Edge Of A Broken Heart - Vixen
11. Cum On Feel The Noize - Quiet Riot
12. The Final Countdown - Europe

You all should've been there. It was freaking amazing.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009


I often mix up the definitions of concave and convex, much like I mix up right and left, protons and neutrons, stamens and pistils..... I are not good at science.

But Becca has given me a handy visual image that I think will stick with me and help me remember!

Becca says (11:40 AM):
My underarms are very concave

Tuesday, February 17, 2009


Goddammit, every time my car fogs up, a penis appears on my back passenger side window. Then I always forget it's there by the time I get home. One of these days my mom's gonna sit back there! And I know it's one of you a-holes that drew it.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Conservatism is Dead

Right here.

This is an article from the New Republic that I thought was a very good background history of conservatism as a political philosophy and an analysis of how the movement has been slowly crippling itself with movement conservatism. The Republican party is made up of a fair number of disparate groups that are currently splintering because the party lacks any compelling charismatic figure (HIS HOLINESS RONALD REAGAN!) to hold them together.

The party isn't dead by a long shot, but the intellectual roots of the conservative movement are ailing and have been for quite some time.

Warning: Pretty long read, but it's worth it, I swear.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009


I couldn't believe what I saw when I glimsped at the front page of the Oregonian today. The headline, "HEY PAUL!"
And now, some Genesis

Friday, February 6, 2009

Separation Anxiety

I don't know if anyone else has been in the position I was in on Tuesday. If you have, I tip my hat you. If you have not there is still a one in three chance that your ticking timebomb some call an "appendix" will one day too decide its time in your body is over and it wants to move on. To those lucky one third I dedicate this story.

Chapter 1: Appendix

It all started on Tuesday morning. I woke up with pains in my sides, which comparably felt on par with having cramps after heavy exercise. You know that feeling when you're out of breath because you've just gotten up from the couch, gone to the fridge to get another beer, then go back and sit down? Yeah, that kind of physical exhaustion. I went to an interview and charmed the pants off the marketing lady interviewing me (never had a pantsless interview before, but it was better than I thought). After the interview I was in more pain, but I decided that feasting on a buffalo chicken sub would clearly assist in my constipated feeling. Later that evening the pain persisted more strongly on my right side, my appetite diminished, and around midnight I decided my pain was rising faster than it should. I did not want to go to the hospital since I am uninsured, and had been since I quit working at Critical Logic, so heading to the hospital (or what now would be the ER at 1am would be quite costly) was not high on my list of immediate desires. We spent about an hour calling Devon and my parents until we realized that by some tiny tiny loophole I am still qualified for insurance through COBRA, and that I could potentially be insured before going into the ER. Word of the wise to anyone who has relative in latter timezones, it is AWESOME. While now in Troy it is 2am Wednesday in Alaska it is 10pm Tuesday, so while I was on my way to the ER my parents were on their way to the post office to timestamp my insurace renewal forms the day prior. Will this work.....? Who knows, but it's worth a shot.

Chapter 2: Hospital

We arrive at the ER and meet my nurse, who while very nice and funny, is quite incompetent. She left me in a room for about half an hour in pain, then came back in and pressed on my left side and asked if I was feeling pain on my right. I said I was to which she looked confused about. I told her that my right side DID hurt and that she was pressing on my left. After a moment of confusion, followed by a moment of embarassment the nurse went back to work pressing on my sore side and this time getting the desired expression of grimmace from my face. The next few hours went like this: Someone comes in and asks me the same 6 questions as the person before them then leaves for 45 minutes. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. I think my favorite time was about 4:30 when I could not sit because I was sore, I was tired, and was in the most pain I had felt all day long...and then there were drugs. Sweet, sweet, painkilling drugs. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.................................................

Chapter 3: Appendectomy

I don't remember it, by this point I was on more drugs.

Chapter 4: Recovery

I woke up with a tan-gone-bad on my stomach, 3 holes, and apparently a body part missing. I was still sore, crazy tired, not wearing pants, but on the plus side I have the best bed in the best room on the whole floor. Corner room facing downtown Albany. The downside was my angry room mate who was growling at nurses and other staff all day/night long, and at 3am shit his bed. Literally shit his bed. Moral of this story: don't be angry or you will soil your pants. I spent a total of about 24 hours in that room in recovery eating food, watching shitty tv, listening to my room mate, and sleeping. It was enjoyable, but still being really sore was definitely a pain in the ass. I think that at least 3 dozen times I imagined Paul doing all the work that I was witnessing and I must say I'm impressed. I don't think I would have the patience to help the angry, crying, unhelpful, messy, old, etc. variety of patients that I saw with as much grace and compassion that I witnessed. Eventually though my doctor finally came and visited me (at 6am the next day) and said I was free to go. I was discharged at 11. Must give them credit for their swiftness...

Chapter 5: Aftermath

What can I say? I loves me my fruit flowers. Thanks Paul. Also thanks for everyone else that was concerned about my health.

Thursday, February 5, 2009



Want to give birth to your kidney?

Now it's...easier (?)...than ever!

Or if you're male,
doctors would insert the bag into the rectum, pass it through an incision into the abdominal cavity, use laparoscopic instruments to put the kidney into the bag and seal it, and then pull it out through the anus via the string. Then they'd open the bag and transplant the kidney into the recipient.

It's not without it's detractors however as Becca, a Spokanicity member, commented, "Good god! Pooing a kidney? That can't be fun."

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

The Anthology

I'm not joking when I say I want to put together an anthology of stories retelling my/our funniest and weirdest college experiences. I'm starting a list which you guys can edit and add to. Put your intials next to your entries. Or comment, whatever.

- The 428 Shit Party (RW)
- The time Liz, Becca, and I led a gang into C/M after we drank too much Mike's (purchased by Swift) during the Miss America pageant (RW)
- Seeing embarrassing hookups at the COG the morning after a party night. Or being with friends when they see their embarrassing hookups, and laughing. (RW)
- Naked snow woman (RW)
- Living with Old Man Tom (with Becca) (RW)
- The Case of Tooley and The Hopkins Chimney (PF)
- Forecast: Golden Showers (PF)
- George, Washington (PF)
- Paul's Graduation Party (Uncensored) (PF)
- Kent versus Christian (PF)
- Spokanicity v. VD (PF)
- Thanksgiving Junior Year (PF)
- Por qué, Pepé Lopez? ¡¿POR QUÉ!? (PF)
- The Jill and Cory secret affair. (RJ)
- Scotty doesn't know. (RJ)
- Afternoon Delight (being played at Steve and Erin, and the 428 chorus singing it while artfully arranged along the stairs). (RJ)
- The "rape" of Molly? (RJ)
- Tooley getting his lost cellphone back from a bum in exchange for beer. (RJ)
- Can we write about Swift getting picked up for drunkenly riding a bicycle even if it didn't happen to us? (RJ)
- Hat, Mickey Mouse Gloves, & St. Patrick's Day (ST)
- Pants-less Halloween with Special Appearance by Fr. Krall (RJ)
- Miss Spokane Pageant (vodka cakes, hair-dying, and "Danny Boy" singing at the after party) (RJ)

RIP, Tooley's Appendix

Tooley had an emergency Appendectomy this morning.