Wednesday, August 11, 2010

What would compliment a fine bottle of Arbor Mist?

Last night I was over with some friends and we were slowing working on the few drinks in the house while waiting for the last friend to show up so we could have mint juleps. After finishing the 2 drinks worth of piƱa coladas, the only thing left (other than a bud light) was a bottle of Arbor Mist. I had not seen an Arbor Mist since Spokane, and frankly I was shocked that Arbor Mist would be served anywhere outside of Spokane. Needless to say, I was shamelessly excited by this fruity surprise and proceeded to savor my glass of chilled strawberry white zinfandel. I was investigating the empty bottle not too long afterwards, and to an even greater shock I discovered that Arbor Mist was made in New York. Wow. It was decided in my head before I even had time to craft thoughts into words that a roadtrip was in order to the Arbor Mist vineyard, and in this immediate moment of excitement the words "OH MY GOD WE ARE GOING ON A ROADTRIP TO ARBOR MIST!" came out "shnarg-a-gurg". Despite my incoherent babble, the message was quite clear, and a road trip was in order.

This morning I was talking to Paul, and he and I (mainly me) decided this was an excellent idea. There would be nothing better than pulling up a chair in their fancy parking lot, taking in a deep breath of the sweet sweet air, cracking open a fine bottle of Arbor Mist, pouring it into an equally fine plastic wine glass, and then getting shit faced.

I google mapped our course, found out that they are located just north of one of New York's finger lakes, but a vineyard could not be found. Curses Arbor Mist, why would you taunt me?!?! My visions of sitting around swirling wine in plastic cupware (ala Sideways) may forever be ruined. Perchance a tour of the factory can be arranged. With hope back in my heart, and the vision of Arbor Mist in my future, this begs an obvious question: what would compliment a fine bottle of Arbor Mist? When going to a typical winery it can be expected to be served small portions of wine with cheese, crackers, and occasionally a spread for said crackers. However, since we are not talking about an ordinary bottle of wine which was harvested by wine makers at choice season, we're not talking about ordinary grapes which have been squeezed through presses, and we're not talking about a pathetic vineyard which can only produce a few hundred cases of $100+ bottles of wine; nay, we ARE talking about an a-typical winery which makes a brilliantly delectible bottle of wine by collecting ingredients resembling that of grapes and then producing them by the THOUSANDS OF CASES for cheap cheap cheap! Arbor Mist is the obvious winner in quality, price, flavor, not to mention the talent which goes into crafting such a rich experience guaranteed to leave you speechless (because chances are the next morning you will be singing into the porcelain telephone).

So, back on topic, food. Obviously you cannot have a hard cheese like cheddar or Wensleydale (wen-D-sley-DALE!), you will need something with more or a liquid texture; like Cheez Whiz on saltines.

I'm the WHIZ! Paul revolutionized my brain by taking it a step beyond my present thought by suggesting Cheez-Its. All the flavor of processed cheese combined with crackers in one square package!

YOU CAN'T HANDLE FLAVOR OF THIS MAGNITUDE!!!! I pose the next two questions to you my fellow Spokanicitiers: One, who wants to come on an epic road trip to find the lost city of Arbor Mistia; and two, there is no question two, refer to question one.


  1. I, for one, love the idea of cheez-its being the meal of choice. They are delicious and exactly the same level of awesomeness as Arbor Mist. And since we're talking about a party, of sorts, I suggest we pre-game with some elixir of the gods, Four Loko. Not only will it increase our chances of being swimmingly hungover the following morning, but it will only expand upon the awesomeness that will be the tour of the Arbor Mist factory.

    Also, it has come to my understanding everyone else has been neglecting their duties to carry on Bum Night. Get your asses in gear. I made up for it last year by taking a month long homeless tour of the western United States via train hopping, but my schedule does not have room for such a trip this year, so everyone else needs to pitch in some time, some cheap booze and drink under a bridge, for old times' sake.