Wednesday, July 30, 2008

My inability to budget money

Well, I finally could no longer resist the temptation to buy myself a little sump-sumpin', so after searching for a while I finally caved like a cheap hooker that just got punched in the stomach by a fat guy...and bought myself an Xbox360 Elite (boo-ya Blaise).

Anyway, as most of you know (or should know) I am a big fan of deals, and got myself a sweet one. Brand new factory sealed Xbox with Medal of Honor Airbourne, for $325 (that includes shipping). Sorry Craven, looks like you'll be coming over here to play Rock Band....and drink massive amounts of alcohol while we become a true rock band. I am opening auditions for a band (Bastardized Steam), so if you (or others) are interested in trying out you will need several things.

1. Nerd talent
2. Nerd shame
3. Nerd appreciation
4. Money (that's right, it's gonna cost ya)

I know what I need, but this is the lineup I am going for. I need a singer, so based on past history I am nominating Matthew Craven since he clearly has the most vocal talent of anyone I know. When asked in an interview what instruments he played, John Lennon, replied "A bit of piano, and a bit of mouth organ," and I've seen that mouth organ at work, and let me tell you readers, it is an awe inspiring sight to witness and a true blessing on the ear canals.

I need an ax wielder, so I am nominating Steve. Bare in mind I actually want him to carry an ax and protect us from fans, neighbors, zombies, etc. with an ax.

Third, I need some background dancers. Why you ask? Well if I am not motivated by beautiful dancing then why am I bothering, really? So in the dance department I have actually pulled some strings, called in a few personal favors and debts, and resorted to acting out some sexual favors which I swore I would never act out again after that one trip I took to Germany, but I got him ladies and gentlemen. Yes, I got the one man who can bring unity and awesome Bastardized Steam. Chris Martin. He will be dancing around the room like in Viva la Vida. You are welcome, you are ALL welcome.

A drummer is on the list of players, and since I could not get Lars Ulrich, I just went out and got that monkey who bangs cymbals. I personally will not be playing, but rather managing you all until you are a well oiled machine, then we're taking this shit on the road and I will sell the rights and become extremely wealthy while you all slip into poverty. Mwa-ha-ha-ha!

Hmmm, it has been about 45 minutes since I started this post and forgot it was still being worked on, and I had forgotten that I was writing a rant about rock band, but I digress. Moving on to more interesting topics. Firstly (and a reminder), we COULD do something for Steve since he is leaving for Pullman (practically another continent away) on the 1st and we may never see him again since he will be sucked into the shit that is po-dunk farm town. His parental units will be in town today and helping him load up a U-Haul tomorrow, so if we wanted to do something with him tonight may be a good night.


  1. Hey, whoa, podunk farm town?

    ...Actually, that's very accurate.

    I'm wearing overalls right now. I can feel chewing tobacco juice leaking from my salivary glands. Save me.