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Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Monday, July 6, 2009
Generic Photos
Spokanicity was originally created as a means of a group of us to chat at work. We came together so we could have an outlet from the bullshit we encountered daily in our professional lives. Since then the blog has changed towards including interesting facts, photoshoped photos of Steve, or random shit that really just lowers our IQ. But I say we need to take a moment to reflect on where we came from. That being bitching about our job. Well loyal readers, here's some crap I've been dealing with I'd like to share with you in this segment I will call Stupid People.
One of the things I do at my job is take leads which come in, and requests for clients from salesmen, and do research on those companies. When Joe-Bob's Toupee, LLC contacts us, we research their website to get valid contact info, make sure they look like a legitimate company, classify them into one of severl hundred categories, then finally pass them to a salesman to make a sale. In the process of looking at over a hundred webpages daily, I've seen awesome websites, and really shitty ones. Today however, I hit a wall and needed to stop and vent. Take this company. Why do they have a photo of a scientist holding a vial of Windex? Their slogan is "We help resolve your technical challenges." I did not realize Windex was complex. But (in Krayden's defense), they do apparently specialize in chemicals and solvents... Apparently... But whatever he is doing leads to this. This is the reason for today's rant. I hate generic photos. Do generic photos companies buy from websites really help? I know that if I were a consumer and stumbled upon this website I would be excited that a scientist would be looking intently at a vial of Windex, and through this deep thought he would find the key to success, and I (the customer) would be so excited I'd do business with this company. In reality it pisses me off. I know that actor is not a scientist and probably is thinking to himself while staring at the vial "hmm, what shall I have for lunch when they are done taking my photo. Do you think I can keep this coat? I wonder if this is Windex? Why am I holding this again? Shit, do I look serious enough? Oh, shot's done, let's go get drunk." I know that's what I would be thinking.
Let's take this from a practical point. Here is a letter I am sure Krayden received:
Dear Krayden,
I stumbled upon your website and could not help noticing that your motto is you can helpo resolve technical challenges. Well I hope you can help with my challenge. You see, I have 3 rocks which I need to stack, but I will be damned if I cannot get those little bastards stacked. They keep stipping off. Any assistance would be wonderful.
Sincerely,
Unstackable.
Dear Unstackable,
We are awesome, we stacked your rocks. See attached photo.
Sincerely,
Krayden.
Generic photos are a load of crap. They rarely make a half-assed company look nice, and usually just end up making the website appear like a scam. BUT beware, I've seen the exact opposite. Here are a few examples of companies that decided they had better photos of their own office than a stock photo.... Ugh...
Example the first: The first time I saw this I embarrassingly lol'd at work. That poor woman. I want to go into the office and give her a phonebook to sit on, or at the least send her a postcard because she looks like someone at a retirement home who has lost her mind.
Example the second: This page you may have to refresh until the picture in the top right corner (under the company name) shows "Tom Mueller - Owner". HAHAHA! I cannot stop laughing whenever I see this photo. When I saw this page I was crying I was laughing so hard. It looks like he crapped his pants and smelled it the moment before the photo was taken. I could not work for about 15 minutes because every time I got it under control I saw his face and burst into tears again.
Example the third: Unfortunately this looks like a generic photo which makes me wonder why they paid for it, and secondly why it is something you'd put on your website?
Example the forth: Alright, again this is a stock photo, but this is more a complaint about wrong photo for the situation. In the banner check out the second photo on the left. "Mr. John - the complete source for temporary restrooms.......at your wedding on the beach." COME ON!
One of the things I do at my job is take leads which come in, and requests for clients from salesmen, and do research on those companies. When Joe-Bob's Toupee, LLC contacts us, we research their website to get valid contact info, make sure they look like a legitimate company, classify them into one of severl hundred categories, then finally pass them to a salesman to make a sale. In the process of looking at over a hundred webpages daily, I've seen awesome websites, and really shitty ones. Today however, I hit a wall and needed to stop and vent. Take this company. Why do they have a photo of a scientist holding a vial of Windex? Their slogan is "We help resolve your technical challenges." I did not realize Windex was complex. But (in Krayden's defense), they do apparently specialize in chemicals and solvents... Apparently... But whatever he is doing leads to this. This is the reason for today's rant. I hate generic photos. Do generic photos companies buy from websites really help? I know that if I were a consumer and stumbled upon this website I would be excited that a scientist would be looking intently at a vial of Windex, and through this deep thought he would find the key to success, and I (the customer) would be so excited I'd do business with this company. In reality it pisses me off. I know that actor is not a scientist and probably is thinking to himself while staring at the vial "hmm, what shall I have for lunch when they are done taking my photo. Do you think I can keep this coat? I wonder if this is Windex? Why am I holding this again? Shit, do I look serious enough? Oh, shot's done, let's go get drunk." I know that's what I would be thinking.
Let's take this from a practical point. Here is a letter I am sure Krayden received:
Dear Krayden,
I stumbled upon your website and could not help noticing that your motto is you can helpo resolve technical challenges. Well I hope you can help with my challenge. You see, I have 3 rocks which I need to stack, but I will be damned if I cannot get those little bastards stacked. They keep stipping off. Any assistance would be wonderful.
Sincerely,
Unstackable.
Dear Unstackable,
We are awesome, we stacked your rocks. See attached photo.
Sincerely,
Krayden.
Generic photos are a load of crap. They rarely make a half-assed company look nice, and usually just end up making the website appear like a scam. BUT beware, I've seen the exact opposite. Here are a few examples of companies that decided they had better photos of their own office than a stock photo.... Ugh...
Example the first: The first time I saw this I embarrassingly lol'd at work. That poor woman. I want to go into the office and give her a phonebook to sit on, or at the least send her a postcard because she looks like someone at a retirement home who has lost her mind.
Example the second: This page you may have to refresh until the picture in the top right corner (under the company name) shows "Tom Mueller - Owner". HAHAHA! I cannot stop laughing whenever I see this photo. When I saw this page I was crying I was laughing so hard. It looks like he crapped his pants and smelled it the moment before the photo was taken. I could not work for about 15 minutes because every time I got it under control I saw his face and burst into tears again.
Example the third: Unfortunately this looks like a generic photo which makes me wonder why they paid for it, and secondly why it is something you'd put on your website?
Example the forth: Alright, again this is a stock photo, but this is more a complaint about wrong photo for the situation. In the banner check out the second photo on the left. "Mr. John - the complete source for temporary restrooms.......at your wedding on the beach." COME ON!
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Hurtin'
Many, many years ago-centuries ago, in fact-there lived a people with oak colored skin and almond eyes, herders on horseback and camel who followed sheep and goats and yak across ancient grasslands at the top of the world. Theirs was a land of bitter extremes, wind-swept steppes bounded by jagged peaks, long winters cold beyond imagining that melted into short green grassy summers when the herds multiplied and there was milk and meat in abundance.
- yurtinfo.org
Monday, June 29, 2009
Rudy!
Today I went to a meeting hosted by the CEO and he mentioned that 2 years ago Rudy Rudiger came to their office to give the employees a speech. I then thought of Steve talking about how that's all he's done with his life, followed by most of the men at 428 chanting "Rudy! Rudy! Rudy!" over and over again. Rudy Rudiger, if you are reading this blog, know this: you are the Person the World Needs Most.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Friday, June 12, 2009
www.facebook.com/tooleyislame
I think it has a certain ring to it. What would your facebook username be?
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Rachel Wants to be an Ape
Estimates of the amount of identical genetic material (DNA) in chimpanzees and humans range from 94.6% to 99.4%. This marked similarity, and additional evidence, have led primatologists to suggest that the taxonomy of the apes should include three groups: hylobatidae (gibbons and siamangs); pongidae (orangutangs); and hominidae (gorillas, chimpanzees, and humans). Apes are classified in the phylum Chordata, subphylum Vertebrata, class Mammalia, order Primates.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Deepest, Bluest, my hat is like a shark's fin
(11:39:25 PM) tundratooley: will there ever be a boy born who can swim faster than a shark?(11:39:44 PM) Crave42: yes
(11:40:03 PM) tundratooley: good to know
(11:40:22 PM) tundratooley: that's a load off my chest
(11:40:40 PM) Crave42: you are that boy
(11:41:08 PM) tundratooley: I can only hope
(11:41:59 PM) tundratooley: deepest, bluest, my hat is like a shark's fin
(11:43:12 PM) Crave42: ladies love cool tooley
(11:43:48 PM) tundratooley: I should become a rapper
(11:44:14 PM) tundratooley: making deep parallels about my life and that of aquatic animals
(11:45:26 PM) Crave42: mainly the headgear that you wear and its resemblance to a dorsal appendage
(11:46:43 PM) Crave42: i wish ll cool j was wearing that during the video, then the song would have a whole new meaning
Friday, May 8, 2009
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
I can haz job
I am FINALLY employed! HOO-RAY! I am now a Sales Development Technologist at GlobalSpec, which has also been ranked one of the top companies to work for in the Albany area for the past 2 years or so.
Friday, April 17, 2009
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
List time
Rachel's list of...
People that are cooler than me
1. People who brew beer. Come on, who wouldn't want to work in the beer industry? Or the wine industry, for that matter. I'm sure there's a lot of hard chemistry and stuff, but I could learn that. I'm not sure how hard the recession is hitting the industry - I'm imagining that it's not affected, because everyone needs to drink in a recession.
1a. Homebrewers are even cooler, but I couldn't find a good enough picture representing them.
2. Bono. Duh, dude's a millionaire, and gets to bang whomever he wants (like Oprah, see above), and still helps the world and shiz. He's cooler than anyone I know.
3. Kitesurfers. I met some of these dudes in Puerto Rico and so maybe I'm romanticizing it, because they quit their jobs in a cold place and moved to paradise to do a cool and unique sport. But another cool thing about kitesurfing: unlike regular surfing, if there's a shark trying to bite you, maybe you can just jump out of the water and let your kite carry you to safety. Maybe.
4. Jillian Michaels. She's a hot bitch. I mean, I know this is the wrong blog to talk about all my health and fitness bullshit, but she used to weigh more than I do (and she's shorter), and look how cut she is! And she has a job being the trainer on Biggest Loser, which I'm sure is kind of awesome.
5. Seth Rogan. And any dude who is able to have a real bromance and be really funny (so, all the male writers on this blog). Because I want to know what that's like, and stuff.
1. People who brew beer. Come on, who wouldn't want to work in the beer industry? Or the wine industry, for that matter. I'm sure there's a lot of hard chemistry and stuff, but I could learn that. I'm not sure how hard the recession is hitting the industry - I'm imagining that it's not affected, because everyone needs to drink in a recession.1a. Homebrewers are even cooler, but I couldn't find a good enough picture representing them.
2. Bono. Duh, dude's a millionaire, and gets to bang whomever he wants (like Oprah, see above), and still helps the world and shiz. He's cooler than anyone I know.
3. Kitesurfers. I met some of these dudes in Puerto Rico and so maybe I'm romanticizing it, because they quit their jobs in a cold place and moved to paradise to do a cool and unique sport. But another cool thing about kitesurfing: unlike regular surfing, if there's a shark trying to bite you, maybe you can just jump out of the water and let your kite carry you to safety. Maybe.
4. Jillian Michaels. She's a hot bitch. I mean, I know this is the wrong blog to talk about all my health and fitness bullshit, but she used to weigh more than I do (and she's shorter), and look how cut she is! And she has a job being the trainer on Biggest Loser, which I'm sure is kind of awesome.
5. Seth Rogan. And any dude who is able to have a real bromance and be really funny (so, all the male writers on this blog). Because I want to know what that's like, and stuff.
Post idea: Make a list of your own!
Monday, April 6, 2009
Grundle
Grundle - The prime piece of real estate located conveniently between Scrotumburg and
Anusville.
-urbandictionary.com
[17:27] tundratooley: you are a grundle felcher
[17:28] tundratooley: I don't know how it works, but you do it
[17:28] Crave42: st. McGrundlestumper
[17:28] tundratooley: I'm madly in mcgrundlestumper with you
[17:29] Crave42: grundel of sorrow
[17:29] tundratooley: Seek and Grundle
[17:30] Crave42: jump in the grundle
[17:30] tundratooley: Welcome Home (Grundletarium)
[17:30] Crave42: ride the grundle
[17:30] tundratooley: Grundle Inc.
[17:31] tundratooley: Hit the Grundle
[17:31] Crave42: creeping grundle
[17:32] tundratooley: For Whom the Grundle Tolls
[17:32] Crave42: ...and grundle for all
[17:32] tundratooley: To Live is to Grundle
[17:32] Crave42: grundle's eve
[17:33] tundratooley: Phantom Grundle
[17:33] Crave42: grundle remorse
[17:33] tundratooley: Trapped Under Grundle
[17:33] Crave42: Grundled
[17:34] tundratooley: what is that supposed to be?
[17:34] Crave42: blackened
[17:34] tundratooley: ok
[17:34] tundratooley: Fight Grundle with Grundle
[17:34] Crave42: the call of grundle
[17:35] tundratooley: The Grundle III
[17:35] tundratooley: preceeded by The Grundle II and The Grundle
[17:35] tundratooley: Grundle My Bitch
[17:36] Crave42: king grundle
[17:37] tundratooley: Enter Grundleman
[17:39] Crave42: disposable grundles
[17:40] tundratooley: Grundle and Re-Grundle
[17:40] Crave42: the grundle that should not be
[17:40] tundratooley: Mama Grundle
[17:41] Crave42: eye of the grundle
[17:41] tundratooley: Grunnnndle
[17:42] tundratooley: (pun of Fixxxer)
[17:43] Crave42: all grundle long
[17:44] tundratooley: The Ungrundled Feeling
[17:45] tundratooley: They just said "Nothing Else Matters" in House
[17:45] tundratooley: they are on our wavelength right now
[17:45] tundratooley: Nothing Else Grundles
[17:45] Crave42: nothing else grundles
Anusville.
-urbandictionary.com
[17:27] tundratooley: you are a grundle felcher
[17:28] tundratooley: I don't know how it works, but you do it
[17:28] Crave42: st. McGrundlestumper
[17:28] tundratooley: I'm madly in mcgrundlestumper with you
[17:29] Crave42: grundel of sorrow
[17:29] tundratooley: Seek and Grundle
[17:30] Crave42: jump in the grundle
[17:30] tundratooley: Welcome Home (Grundletarium)
[17:30] Crave42: ride the grundle
[17:30] tundratooley: Grundle Inc.
[17:31] tundratooley: Hit the Grundle
[17:31] Crave42: creeping grundle
[17:32] tundratooley: For Whom the Grundle Tolls
[17:32] Crave42: ...and grundle for all
[17:32] tundratooley: To Live is to Grundle
[17:32] Crave42: grundle's eve
[17:33] tundratooley: Phantom Grundle
[17:33] Crave42: grundle remorse
[17:33] tundratooley: Trapped Under Grundle
[17:33] Crave42: Grundled
[17:34] tundratooley: what is that supposed to be?
[17:34] Crave42: blackened
[17:34] tundratooley: ok
[17:34] tundratooley: Fight Grundle with Grundle
[17:34] Crave42: the call of grundle
[17:35] tundratooley: The Grundle III
[17:35] tundratooley: preceeded by The Grundle II and The Grundle
[17:35] tundratooley: Grundle My Bitch
[17:36] Crave42: king grundle
[17:37] tundratooley: Enter Grundleman
[17:39] Crave42: disposable grundles
[17:40] tundratooley: Grundle and Re-Grundle
[17:40] Crave42: the grundle that should not be
[17:40] tundratooley: Mama Grundle
[17:41] Crave42: eye of the grundle
[17:41] tundratooley: Grunnnndle
[17:42] tundratooley: (pun of Fixxxer)
[17:43] Crave42: all grundle long
[17:44] tundratooley: The Ungrundled Feeling
[17:45] tundratooley: They just said "Nothing Else Matters" in House
[17:45] tundratooley: they are on our wavelength right now
[17:45] tundratooley: Nothing Else Grundles
[17:45] Crave42: nothing else grundles
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Join or Die
I saw this linked on a forum and knew you guys had to see it. I couldn't stop laughing at the Lincoln or Buchanan portraits.
Oh, just in case, link is not safe for work unless your workplace is fine with portraits depicting the artist having sex with various United States presidents. The Internet is a wild, frightening place.
Oh, just in case, link is not safe for work unless your workplace is fine with portraits depicting the artist having sex with various United States presidents. The Internet is a wild, frightening place.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Monday, March 23, 2009
Metallica
So I hear that Metallica is having a concert in Albany in November.
I can't prove this by their website, but the radio can't be wrong, right? I know one guy who would love to be in attendance.
Plus, the east coast is beautiful in the fall. Anyone feeling like they might need a little New England color and hard rock?
I can't prove this by their website, but the radio can't be wrong, right? I know one guy who would love to be in attendance.
Plus, the east coast is beautiful in the fall. Anyone feeling like they might need a little New England color and hard rock?
Thursday, March 19, 2009
I wondered what they were doing in that RV...
I was searching for some info about the grade % of the hill on Riverside going down to People's Park, and stumbled across something called the Naked Wiki. Apparently it's a heads-up about where you can go nude or find nude people.
People's Park
Sections of beach along Hangman's Creek, at it's convergence with the Spokane River, have a long history of clothing optional use. In recent years nude use has moved eastward, further up Hangman's Creek, where vegetation and shoreline provide greater privacy. Periodic checks by law enforcement, mostly to enforce county alcohol ordinances, are a possibility. People's Park is a county facility, with limited ammentities and no bathrooms. The park itself is fairly isolated for being so close to the downtown area; it is bordered on the south & west by Riverside Drive, on the east by the Spokane River and on the north by a bluff, atop which sits a cemetary. Usage on a typically warm summer weekend day would be 10-20 nude or partially nude users.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Monday, March 16, 2009
Anticipation
I really want summer to come, so I'm listening to some of my fav. classics.
Possibly NSFW?
Possibly NSFW?
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Monday, March 9, 2009
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Law & Order: Seal Violence Unit
"I'm not what you call a winner... sure I'm a lawyer but that's only because I took the bar exam in Alaska and they only have like four laws and most of them are when you can and cannot kill... seals."
from urbandictionary
LOL Theory
The theory that the internet phrase lol, meaning "laugh out loud", can be placed at any part in any sentence and make said sentence lose all credibilty and seriousness.
The theory that the internet phrase lol, meaning "laugh out loud", can be placed at any part in any sentence and make said sentence lose all credibilty and seriousness.
ex 1
Doc: We need to operate on your colon lol, you have cancer.
ex 2
Jesus: Take this all of you and eat it, it is my body, lol.
ex 3
Me: Will you marry me? Lol.
Doc: We need to operate on your colon lol, you have cancer.
ex 2
Jesus: Take this all of you and eat it, it is my body, lol.
ex 3
Me: Will you marry me? Lol.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Squirrel Threesome
Rachel (8:46:56 PM): omg
Rachel (8:47:09 PM): you and matt should watch this right after the monkey peeing in its mouth
Rachel (8:47:12 PM): SQUIRREL THREESOME: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=37Rbi8symcc&feature=channel
Becca (8:48:47 PM): I'm... so confused!
Becca (8:48:55 PM): Which ones are the dudes?
Becca (8:49:01 PM): Are they all dudes?
Rachel (8:49:03 PM): that's how it always is
Rachel (8:49:05 PM): *sigh*
Becca (8:49:12 PM): Truth
Becca (8:49:23 PM): It's like a squirrel version of 428 spooning parties
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Noncomformist Conformist
Becca (right) & Rachel (left) are going to dress up like this this upcoming weekend. The rest of us better suit up too!
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Interesting...
from Facebook:
"Paul Anthony Freeman just kicked you in the groin! Kick back! 51 minutes ago"
"Paul Anthony Freeman just kicked you in the groin! Kick back! 51 minutes ago"
Thursday, February 19, 2009
best 75 minutes of cycling ever
Playlist for last night's spin class:
1. Nothin' But A Good Time - Poison
2. Cherry Pie - Warrant
3. Kiss Me Deadly - Lita Ford
4. Nobody's Fool - Cinderella
5. Once Bitten, Twice Shy - Great White
6. Rock You Like A Hurricane - Scorpions
7. Poison - Alice Cooper
8. I Hate Myself For Loving You - Joan Jett
9. Don't Treat Me Bad - Firehouse
10. Edge Of A Broken Heart - Vixen
11. Cum On Feel The Noize - Quiet Riot
12. The Final Countdown - Europe
You all should've been there. It was freaking amazing.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Pits
I often mix up the definitions of concave and convex, much like I mix up right and left, protons and neutrons, stamens and pistils..... I are not good at science.
But Becca has given me a handy visual image that I think will stick with me and help me remember!
Becca says (11:40 AM):
My underarms are very concave
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Axilla
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
self-pwn
Goddammit, every time my car fogs up, a penis appears on my back passenger side window. Then I always forget it's there by the time I get home. One of these days my mom's gonna sit back there! And I know it's one of you a-holes that drew it.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Conservatism is Dead
Right here.
This is an article from the New Republic that I thought was a very good background history of conservatism as a political philosophy and an analysis of how the movement has been slowly crippling itself with movement conservatism. The Republican party is made up of a fair number of disparate groups that are currently splintering because the party lacks any compelling charismatic figure (HIS HOLINESS RONALD REAGAN!) to hold them together.
The party isn't dead by a long shot, but the intellectual roots of the conservative movement are ailing and have been for quite some time.
Warning: Pretty long read, but it's worth it, I swear.
This is an article from the New Republic that I thought was a very good background history of conservatism as a political philosophy and an analysis of how the movement has been slowly crippling itself with movement conservatism. The Republican party is made up of a fair number of disparate groups that are currently splintering because the party lacks any compelling charismatic figure (HIS HOLINESS RONALD REAGAN!) to hold them together.
The party isn't dead by a long shot, but the intellectual roots of the conservative movement are ailing and have been for quite some time.
Warning: Pretty long read, but it's worth it, I swear.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
HEY PAUL! YOU DA MAN!
I couldn't believe what I saw when I glimsped at the front page of the Oregonian today. The headline, "HEY PAUL!"
And now, some Genesis
And now, some Genesis
Friday, February 6, 2009
Separation Anxiety
I don't know if anyone else has been in the position I was in on Tuesday. If you have, I tip my hat you. If you have not there is still a one in three chance that your ticking timebomb some call an "appendix" will one day too decide its time in your body is over and it wants to move on. To those lucky one third I dedicate this story.
Chapter 1: Appendix
It all started on Tuesday morning. I woke up with pains in my sides, which comparably felt on par with having cramps after heavy exercise. You know that feeling when you're out of breath because you've just gotten up from the couch, gone to the fridge to get another beer, then go back and sit down? Yeah, that kind of physical exhaustion. I went to an interview and charmed the pants off the marketing lady interviewing me (never had a pantsless interview before, but it was better than I thought). After the interview I was in more pain, but I decided that feasting on a buffalo chicken sub would clearly assist in my constipated feeling. Later that evening the pain persisted more strongly on my right side, my appetite diminished, and around midnight I decided my pain was rising faster than it should. I did not want to go to the hospital since I am uninsured, and had been since I quit working at Critical Logic, so heading to the hospital (or what now would be the ER at 1am would be quite costly) was not high on my list of immediate desires. We spent about an hour calling Devon and my parents until we realized that by some tiny tiny loophole I am still qualified for insurance through COBRA, and that I could potentially be insured before going into the ER. Word of the wise to anyone who has relative in latter timezones, it is AWESOME. While now in Troy it is 2am Wednesday in Alaska it is 10pm Tuesday, so while I was on my way to the ER my parents were on their way to the post office to timestamp my insurace renewal forms the day prior. Will this work.....? Who knows, but it's worth a shot.
Chapter 2: Hospital
We arrive at the ER and meet my nurse, who while very nice and funny, is quite incompetent. She left me in a room for about half an hour in pain, then came back in and pressed on my left side and asked if I was feeling pain on my right. I said I was to which she looked confused about. I told her that my right side DID hurt and that she was pressing on my left. After a moment of confusion, followed by a moment of embarassment the nurse went back to work pressing on my sore side and this time getting the desired expression of grimmace from my face. The next few hours went like this: Someone comes in and asks me the same 6 questions as the person before them then leaves for 45 minutes. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. I think my favorite time was about 4:30 when I could not sit because I was sore, I was tired, and was in the most pain I had felt all day long...and then there were drugs. Sweet, sweet, painkilling drugs. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.................................................
Chapter 3: Appendectomy
I don't remember it, by this point I was on more drugs.
Chapter 4: Recovery
I woke up with a tan-gone-bad on my stomach, 3 holes, and apparently a body part missing. I was still sore, crazy tired, not wearing pants, but on the plus side I have the best bed in the best room on the whole floor. Corner room facing downtown Albany. The downside was my angry room mate who was growling at nurses and other staff all day/night long, and at 3am shit his bed. Literally shit his bed. Moral of this story: don't be angry or you will soil your pants. I spent a total of about 24 hours in that room in recovery eating food, watching shitty tv, listening to my room mate, and sleeping. It was enjoyable, but still being really sore was definitely a pain in the ass. I think that at least 3 dozen times I imagined Paul doing all the work that I was witnessing and I must say I'm impressed. I don't think I would have the patience to help the angry, crying, unhelpful, messy, old, etc. variety of patients that I saw with as much grace and compassion that I witnessed. Eventually though my doctor finally came and visited me (at 6am the next day) and said I was free to go. I was discharged at 11. Must give them credit for their swiftness...
Chapter 5: Aftermath
What can I say? I loves me my fruit flowers. Thanks Paul. Also thanks for everyone else that was concerned about my health.
Chapter 1: Appendix
It all started on Tuesday morning. I woke up with pains in my sides, which comparably felt on par with having cramps after heavy exercise. You know that feeling when you're out of breath because you've just gotten up from the couch, gone to the fridge to get another beer, then go back and sit down? Yeah, that kind of physical exhaustion. I went to an interview and charmed the pants off the marketing lady interviewing me (never had a pantsless interview before, but it was better than I thought). After the interview I was in more pain, but I decided that feasting on a buffalo chicken sub would clearly assist in my constipated feeling. Later that evening the pain persisted more strongly on my right side, my appetite diminished, and around midnight I decided my pain was rising faster than it should. I did not want to go to the hospital since I am uninsured, and had been since I quit working at Critical Logic, so heading to the hospital (or what now would be the ER at 1am would be quite costly) was not high on my list of immediate desires. We spent about an hour calling Devon and my parents until we realized that by some tiny tiny loophole I am still qualified for insurance through COBRA, and that I could potentially be insured before going into the ER. Word of the wise to anyone who has relative in latter timezones, it is AWESOME. While now in Troy it is 2am Wednesday in Alaska it is 10pm Tuesday, so while I was on my way to the ER my parents were on their way to the post office to timestamp my insurace renewal forms the day prior. Will this work.....? Who knows, but it's worth a shot.Chapter 2: Hospital
We arrive at the ER and meet my nurse, who while very nice and funny, is quite incompetent. She left me in a room for about half an hour in pain, then came back in and pressed on my left side and asked if I was feeling pain on my right. I said I was to which she looked confused about. I told her that my right side DID hurt and that she was pressing on my left. After a moment of confusion, followed by a moment of embarassment the nurse went back to work pressing on my sore side and this time getting the desired expression of grimmace from my face. The next few hours went like this: Someone comes in and asks me the same 6 questions as the person before them then leaves for 45 minutes. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. I think my favorite time was about 4:30 when I could not sit because I was sore, I was tired, and was in the most pain I had felt all day long...and then there were drugs. Sweet, sweet, painkilling drugs. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.................................................Chapter 3: Appendectomy
I don't remember it, by this point I was on more drugs.Chapter 4: Recovery
I woke up with a tan-gone-bad on my stomach, 3 holes, and apparently a body part missing. I was still sore, crazy tired, not wearing pants, but on the plus side I have the best bed in the best room on the whole floor. Corner room facing downtown Albany. The downside was my angry room mate who was growling at nurses and other staff all day/night long, and at 3am shit his bed. Literally shit his bed. Moral of this story: don't be angry or you will soil your pants. I spent a total of about 24 hours in that room in recovery eating food, watching shitty tv, listening to my room mate, and sleeping. It was enjoyable, but still being really sore was definitely a pain in the ass. I think that at least 3 dozen times I imagined Paul doing all the work that I was witnessing and I must say I'm impressed. I don't think I would have the patience to help the angry, crying, unhelpful, messy, old, etc. variety of patients that I saw with as much grace and compassion that I witnessed. Eventually though my doctor finally came and visited me (at 6am the next day) and said I was free to go. I was discharged at 11. Must give them credit for their swiftness...Chapter 5: Aftermath
What can I say? I loves me my fruit flowers. Thanks Paul. Also thanks for everyone else that was concerned about my health.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Want to give birth to your kidney?
Now it's...easier (?)...than ever!
Or if you're male,
It's not without it's detractors however as Becca, a Spokanicity member, commented, "Good god! Pooing a kidney? That can't be fun."
Or if you're male,
doctors would insert the bag into the rectum, pass it through an incision into the abdominal cavity, use laparoscopic instruments to put the kidney into the bag and seal it, and then pull it out through the anus via the string. Then they'd open the bag and transplant the kidney into the recipient.
It's not without it's detractors however as Becca, a Spokanicity member, commented, "Good god! Pooing a kidney? That can't be fun."
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
The Anthology
I'm not joking when I say I want to put together an anthology of stories retelling my/our funniest and weirdest college experiences. I'm starting a list which you guys can edit and add to. Put your intials next to your entries. Or comment, whatever.
- The 428 Shit Party (RW)
- The time Liz, Becca, and I led a gang into C/M after we drank too much Mike's (purchased by Swift) during the Miss America pageant (RW)
- Seeing embarrassing hookups at the COG the morning after a party night. Or being with friends when they see their embarrassing hookups, and laughing. (RW)
- Naked snow woman (RW)
- Living with Old Man Tom (with Becca) (RW)
- The Case of Tooley and The Hopkins Chimney (PF)
- Forecast: Golden Showers (PF)
- George, Washington (PF)
- Paul's Graduation Party (Uncensored) (PF)
- Kent versus Christian (PF)
- Spokanicity v. VD (PF)
- Thanksgiving Junior Year (PF)
- Por qué, Pepé Lopez? ¡¿POR QUÉ!? (PF)
- YURT (PF)
- The Jill and Cory secret affair. (RJ)
- Scotty doesn't know. (RJ)
- Afternoon Delight (being played at Steve and Erin, and the 428 chorus singing it while artfully arranged along the stairs). (RJ)
- The "rape" of Molly? (RJ)
- Tooley getting his lost cellphone back from a bum in exchange for beer. (RJ)
- Can we write about Swift getting picked up for drunkenly riding a bicycle even if it didn't happen to us? (RJ)
- Hat, Mickey Mouse Gloves, & St. Patrick's Day (ST)
- Pants-less Halloween with Special Appearance by Fr. Krall (RJ)
- Miss Spokane Pageant (vodka cakes, hair-dying, and "Danny Boy" singing at the after party) (RJ)
- The 428 Shit Party (RW)
- The time Liz, Becca, and I led a gang into C/M after we drank too much Mike's (purchased by Swift) during the Miss America pageant (RW)
- Seeing embarrassing hookups at the COG the morning after a party night. Or being with friends when they see their embarrassing hookups, and laughing. (RW)
- Naked snow woman (RW)
- Living with Old Man Tom (with Becca) (RW)
- The Case of Tooley and The Hopkins Chimney (PF)
- Forecast: Golden Showers (PF)
- George, Washington (PF)
- Paul's Graduation Party (Uncensored) (PF)
- Kent versus Christian (PF)
- Spokanicity v. VD (PF)
- Thanksgiving Junior Year (PF)
- Por qué, Pepé Lopez? ¡¿POR QUÉ!? (PF)
- YURT (PF)
- The Jill and Cory secret affair. (RJ)
- Scotty doesn't know. (RJ)
- Afternoon Delight (being played at Steve and Erin, and the 428 chorus singing it while artfully arranged along the stairs). (RJ)
- The "rape" of Molly? (RJ)
- Tooley getting his lost cellphone back from a bum in exchange for beer. (RJ)
- Can we write about Swift getting picked up for drunkenly riding a bicycle even if it didn't happen to us? (RJ)
- Hat, Mickey Mouse Gloves, & St. Patrick's Day (ST)
- Pants-less Halloween with Special Appearance by Fr. Krall (RJ)
- Miss Spokane Pageant (vodka cakes, hair-dying, and "Danny Boy" singing at the after party) (RJ)
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Forgotten Detroit
I thought this was a really cool site. It's a collection of picture and history of various landmark buildings in Detroit that have long since fallen into decay. Some of the buildings were clearly beautiful in their time, and good architecture shows through even after decades of abandonment and neglect.
The Michigan Central Depot is particularly impressive, as are the theaters. I've always wanted to get a chance to explore abandoned buildings, but haven't ever had much of a chance to. None of the ones in Spokane seemed particularly interesting or easily accessible. Plus, trespassing in Spokane seems like a risky idea given the police force's tendency towards shooting first and then shooting again, skipping that whole inconvenient hippie phase of "asking questions."
The Michigan Central Depot is particularly impressive, as are the theaters. I've always wanted to get a chance to explore abandoned buildings, but haven't ever had much of a chance to. None of the ones in Spokane seemed particularly interesting or easily accessible. Plus, trespassing in Spokane seems like a risky idea given the police force's tendency towards shooting first and then shooting again, skipping that whole inconvenient hippie phase of "asking questions."
Reeling Back The Years
Since we like music lists, I've seen this one a few times. Pick a song for every year of your life. Not your favorite song during that year, but a song that came out that year. If you need help, Wikipedia helps.
1984: "The Heat Is On" - Glenn Frey
1985: "Money for Nothing" - Dire Straits
1986: "Master of Puppets" - Metallica
1987: "Welcome to the Jungle" - Guns n' Roses
1988: "Do What You Want" - Bad Religion
1989: "Gouge Away" - Pixies
1990: "Enjoy the Silence" - Depeche Mode
1991: "Something in the Way" - Nirvana
1992: "Would?" - Alice in Chains
1993: "Returning the Screw" - Fugazi
1994: "Carousel" - Blink 182
1995: "The Dandy Warhols' T.V. Theme Song" - The Dandy Warhols
1996: "Dramamine" - Modest Mouse
1997: "The Mollusk" - Ween
1998: "Holland, 1945" - Neutral Milk Hotel
1999: "198d" - At The Drive-In
2000: "Salty Dog" - Flogging Molly
2001: "We Laugh Indoors" - Death Cab for Cutie
2002: "Don't Know Why" - Norah Jones
2003: "Take the Veil Cerpin Taxt" - The Mars Volta
2004: "Evil" - Interpol
2005: "I'm Shipping Up to Boston" - Dropkick Murphys
2006: "Little Lover's so Polite" - Silversun Pickups
2007: "Fluorescent Adolescent" - Arctic Monkeys
2008: "Black River Killer" - Blitzen Trapper
2009: "My Girls" - Animal Collective
1984: "The Heat Is On" - Glenn Frey
1985: "Money for Nothing" - Dire Straits
1986: "Master of Puppets" - Metallica
1987: "Welcome to the Jungle" - Guns n' Roses
1988: "Do What You Want" - Bad Religion
1989: "Gouge Away" - Pixies
1990: "Enjoy the Silence" - Depeche Mode
1991: "Something in the Way" - Nirvana
1992: "Would?" - Alice in Chains
1993: "Returning the Screw" - Fugazi
1994: "Carousel" - Blink 182
1995: "The Dandy Warhols' T.V. Theme Song" - The Dandy Warhols
1996: "Dramamine" - Modest Mouse
1997: "The Mollusk" - Ween
1998: "Holland, 1945" - Neutral Milk Hotel
1999: "198d" - At The Drive-In
2000: "Salty Dog" - Flogging Molly
2001: "We Laugh Indoors" - Death Cab for Cutie
2002: "Don't Know Why" - Norah Jones
2003: "Take the Veil Cerpin Taxt" - The Mars Volta
2004: "Evil" - Interpol
2005: "I'm Shipping Up to Boston" - Dropkick Murphys
2006: "Little Lover's so Polite" - Silversun Pickups
2007: "Fluorescent Adolescent" - Arctic Monkeys
2008: "Black River Killer" - Blitzen Trapper
2009: "My Girls" - Animal Collective
Sountrack to Paul's Life
- Opening credits: Quattro (World Drifts In) - Calexico
- Waking Up: Apache - Michael Viner's Incredible Bongo Band
- First Day at School: Hip to be Square - Huey Lewis & the News (Read: "HEY PAUL")
- Prom: Keeping Me Awake - Tarkio
- Breaking Up: Turn On Me - The Shins
- Driving: I'm Shipping Up To Boston - The Dropkick Murphy's
- Mental Breakdown: Under Pressure - David Bowie & Queen
- Life’s OK: Lately - Helio Sequence
- Falling In Love: Falling Slowly - Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova
- Fight Song: Battle of Evermore - Led Zeppelin Performed by the London Philharmonic Orchestra
- Getting Back Together: Crown of Love - Arcade Fire
- Wedding: Chicago - Sufjan Stevens
- Birth of Child: Teach Your Children - Crosby, Stills, Nash
- Flashback: Comfortably Numb - Pink Floyd
- Final Battle: Your Protector - Fleet Foxes
- Death Scene: Still Beating - Josh Ritter
- Funeral Song: Requiem in D Minor, K. 626: 1. Introitus: Requiem - Mozart
- End Credits: When God Made Me - Neil Young
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Creepy Ted Haggard Video
So apparently evangelicals have the best sex? Who knew?!
This video is only 50 seconds long, but it is unbelievably creepy. Haggard gives off really odd vibes in general. It's like the repression is slowly tearing his mind into pieces.
Watch it here.
This video is only 50 seconds long, but it is unbelievably creepy. Haggard gives off really odd vibes in general. It's like the repression is slowly tearing his mind into pieces.
Watch it here.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Soundtrack to my Life
Everyone else post theirs accordingly. (Youtube links optional.)
Opening credits: Bob Dylan - Like a Rolling Stone
Waking Up: Bright Eyes - Bowl of Oranges
First Day at School: Regina Spektor - On the Radio
Falling In Love: Joseph Arthur - Honey and the Moon
Fight Song: Dropkick Murphys - Shipping Up to Boston
Breaking Up: Tegan and Sara - Where Does the Good Go
Prom: Goo Goo Dolls - Iris
Life’s OK: Feist - Mushaboom
Mental Breakdown: Mirah - Cold Cold Water
Driving: Anna Nalick - Breathe
Flashback: The Waifs - London Still
Getting Back Together: Rilo Kiley - Portions for Foxes
Wedding: Eva Cassidy - Fields of Gold
Birth of Child: Norah Jones - Seven Years
Final Battle: Rolling Stones - Gimme Shelter
Death Scene: Jack Johnson - It's All Understood
Funeral Song: The Beatles - Across the Universe
End Credits: The Killers - All These Things That I've Done
Opening credits: Bob Dylan - Like a Rolling Stone
Waking Up: Bright Eyes - Bowl of Oranges
First Day at School: Regina Spektor - On the Radio
Falling In Love: Joseph Arthur - Honey and the Moon
Fight Song: Dropkick Murphys - Shipping Up to Boston
Breaking Up: Tegan and Sara - Where Does the Good Go
Prom: Goo Goo Dolls - Iris
Life’s OK: Feist - Mushaboom
Mental Breakdown: Mirah - Cold Cold Water
Driving: Anna Nalick - Breathe
Flashback: The Waifs - London Still
Getting Back Together: Rilo Kiley - Portions for Foxes
Wedding: Eva Cassidy - Fields of Gold
Birth of Child: Norah Jones - Seven Years
Final Battle: Rolling Stones - Gimme Shelter
Death Scene: Jack Johnson - It's All Understood
Funeral Song: The Beatles - Across the Universe
End Credits: The Killers - All These Things That I've Done
Rachel says (2:53 PM):
Last month, psychologists from the University of Leicester, working with a BBC documentary team, showed that 1-year-olds not only remember but prefer music that was last played to them throughout the final trimester of their mothers' pregnancies. (Their preferences were indicated by a relaxing heart rate.)
Rachel says (2:53 PM):
i maybe take issue with what "remember" means, but that's still neato
Becca says (2:54 PM):
Yeah!
Becca says (2:54 PM):
Behbehs can be de smart
Becca says (2:54 PM):
I'm going to sabotage your behbehz
Becca says (2:55 PM):
By blasting Britney Spears in your last trimester
Rachel says (2:55 PM):
at least my babies won't get blasted with modest mouse
Becca says (2:55 PM):
DAMMIT
Rachel says (2:55 PM):
pwn
Becca says (2:55 PM):
Baby fail
Last month, psychologists from the University of Leicester, working with a BBC documentary team, showed that 1-year-olds not only remember but prefer music that was last played to them throughout the final trimester of their mothers' pregnancies. (Their preferences were indicated by a relaxing heart rate.)
Rachel says (2:53 PM):
i maybe take issue with what "remember" means, but that's still neato
Becca says (2:54 PM):
Yeah!
Becca says (2:54 PM):
Behbehs can be de smart
Becca says (2:54 PM):
I'm going to sabotage your behbehz
Becca says (2:55 PM):
By blasting Britney Spears in your last trimester
Rachel says (2:55 PM):
at least my babies won't get blasted with modest mouse
Becca says (2:55 PM):
DAMMIT
Rachel says (2:55 PM):
pwn
Becca says (2:55 PM):
Baby fail
Monday, January 26, 2009
FUCK ME TO TEARS!!!
I just had a run in with this motherfucker. Read this article. Nice to know I'm battling the immortal. THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!!!
Christian Ellis
You guys need to watch the pilot episode of the show "Moonlight." I looked on Hulu for it unsuccessfully, but if you guys ever have a chance to watch it you must, it is hilarious and hit a little too close to home. Apparently it is on iTunes.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Who wants to travel somewhere?
Southwest has a limited but ridiculous choice of cheap flights to places until March 11th (Book by January 26 for travel by March 11, 2009 with 14-day advance purchase).
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
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